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Supporting survivors of sexualized violence

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Supporting a survivor of sexualized violence can feel overwhelming and may bring up feelings of uncertainty or worry about doing the right thing. By being here, doing this research, you are showing good care to your community! The key may be to consider what support you have capacity to offer, and utilize skills of listening, empathy, and support. 

Below are general ideas for offering support to the survivor and to yourself as the support person. You might find that this page is less of a checklist and more of a guidepost! For more specific tips, see pages on the Victoria Sexual Assault Centre website for how to help as a parent, partner, or friend. 


Listen

Offering support can often look as simply as sharing a listening ear. Sharing a story can make all the difference for lessening feelings of isolation, shame, and worry. Think of what helps one feel listened to: holding space for whatever feelings come up, attentive body language, and reminding them that you are here, listening. 

  • Some things you could say: I’m here for you; take your time, I am listening.
  • Avoid: interrupting; waiting to respond with a relevant story.

Affirm, validate, and believe

Two transmasculine people sitting together and having a serious conversation.Two transmasculine people sitting together and having a serious conversation.

There are so many myths, power structures, and oppressive social ideas that tell us to judge survivors, and to not believe them. Sharing a story about sexualized violence can be incredibly difficult, and survivors need our support in believing what they have gone through. Validating means listening to hear, and responding to confirm that you have heard what they have said, helping the survivor feel seen and heard. See this video on the difference between empathy and sympathy Brené Brown on Empathy.

Some things you could say: that must have felt really awful/scary/bad; I believe you; thank you for telling me about this. 
Avoid: questioning elements of the survivor’s story; asking for specific details.

Support

To centre their needs and make sure they have as much autonomy as possible, ask the survivor what kind of support they are looking for. Avoid telling them what they should do (this includes reporting the incident or going to the hospital) or sharing their story with others without permission. Some questions to consider might be:

  • What do you need right now?
  • Do you want someone to stay with you right now?
  • Do you want to seek structural support through a crisis line/sexual assault center/hospital/police? Do you want me to accompany you?
  • Are you safe right now? (this can look like safety from suicide or safety from ongoing violence)

Supporting ourselves when we care for another person is just as important to make sure we don’t become too overwhelmed or burned out. Consider if you need to set boundaries or limits for yourself at any point – you are allowed to communicate these to the survivor to make you’re supporting them as best you can!

You may have feelings that come up during the process of supporting someone else, and you may want to honor those with some alone time, or by processing them with another person (while honoring any confidential information the survivor has shared with you), such as a friend, caregiver, counselor, or elder. 

Remember that even when you are supporting others: you are not alone!

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  • Support after sexualized violence
  • How to support survivors of violence
  • Online and community resources

Victoria Sexual Assault Support Services can be reached by voice mail at 250-383-3232, email at , or via the Vancouver Island Crisis Line at 1-888-494-3888.

The phone line is open during office hours (Monday - Friday), to get information about VSAC services or referral to our programs. Teletypewriter accessible.

Follow us on social media!

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For support, check out:

  • YouthSpace.ca Emotional & Crisis Support Text and Messaging
  • Vancouver Island Crisis Line/Chat/Text (24/Hours): 1-888-494-3888
  • KUU-US Indigenous 24/7 Phone Crisis Line: 250-723-2040

Project Respect is grateful to the lək̓ʷəŋən Peoples now known as the Songhees and Esquimalt, and the W̱SÁNEĆ peoples, upon whose land this project takes place. We extend gratitude to the other local Peoples and Nations in this region including the MALAXEt (Malahat), Scia’new (Beecher Bay), T’Sou-ke (Sooke), Ditidaht, Pacheedah, Pauquachin, Tsartlip, Tseycum and Tsawout nations, as well as the Métis and Inuit that call this land home.

© 2023 Project Respect
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  • Welcome to Project Respect!
  • Updates
  • Book a workshop!
  • Donate to support our work!
  • What we offer
    • Contact us
    • Staff team
    • Feedback & awards
    • Project partners
  • Support after sexualized violence
    • How to support survivors of violence
  • Youth Council – Currently Looking for New Members
    • Social Action Camp
    • Blog posts by youth
    • Mural projects
    • Past projects
    • Black Youth Empowerment
  • What is consent?
    • Consent resources for parents & caregivers
    • What is sexualized violence?
    • Setting & respecting boundaries
    • The law and sexualized violence
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